Branded or brain dead.

Sometimes I am just appalled by the expectations of my clients.
It's not that they want too much. It is that they want too little.
The following is based on a real converstation with a client. I have pixellated his face to preserve his privacy.

"What about Big Hairy Audacious Goals" I flip in to the conversation, casually - as if to suggest some collegial affinity with Jim Collins (academic and author of Built to Last), "You know - what's your BHAG".
"What, like that book by Roald Dahl?"
"No, you're thinking about the BFG. …BHAG - Big Hairy Audacious Goals."
He looks back at me. Actually he looks over my shoulder, avoiding eye contact, as if to see whether my mind, which I have clearly lost, is running naked out towards the carpark.
He fidgets nervously.
"Look, I can't handle acronyms. If your going to use consultant-speak then I prefer metaphors, OK, …do this one thing for me and I'll be happy."
"What, like 'Low Hanging Fruit'?"
"Low Hanging Fruit I can handle - it's nicer, friendlier. Reminds me of James and the Giant Peach."
"That's a Roald Dahl book isn't it?" I'm seeing a pattern emerge.
"Really? I thought it was a movie." Pattern vanishes in the randomness of the moment.
"Listen, I'm really quite busy, If we can't set out some, shall we say, 'ambitious' goals then I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"But I have told my receptionist that I'm here and will be gone from my office for two hours."
"I'm sorry, then I have to go."
"Do you mind if I stay here? Can I read one of your books?"
"I don't have any Roald Dahl"
"Funky Business looks good."
"It's not what it sounds like. It's by some Swedish Economists. They try to be hip but only succeed in shaving their heads, which isn't very sensible in sub-arctic climates"
"Oh, …does it have pictures?"
"I have to go. I have some low hanging fruit to crush to pulp "

Remind me never to use a cliche with a client again.

Reading List - The Classics

Built to last by Jim Collins - Management Classic
Order your copy now from Amazon

The BFG by Roald Dahl - Storytelling Classic
Order your copy now from Amazon

Funky Business by Jonas Ridderstrale and Kjell Nordström - Actually it is very worthwhile.
Order your copy now from Amazon


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