As a single father I sometimes wonder about the nature of my relationship with my son. Without the governing influence of a mother in the mix there is the temptation to treat the relationship as if we are simply friends. Now that Taylor is a teenager it feels more exaggerated. So I was interested in an article in the Sydney Morning Herald about mothers and daughters. It refers to a book Tripping the Prom Queen: the Truth About Women and Rivalry
It discusses what can happen when you have too much friendship and not enough of an authority figure in a parent-child relationship and asks if we should be careful that we're not too close to our children?
"Being close is good," she says. "You just have to make sure it's an appropriate closeness, one in which it is always clear that you are the (parent), you set the rules and the boundaries."
"Even when the best friends thing is successful, it is dangerous," Barash says. "We can have lots of friends but only one mother. And it is very important that the mother be able to guide and mentor and influence her daughter.
"If you value the friendship over the parental role and responsibilities, you end up with a child who has no safe haven." And who, she says, may find herself competing with her own mother.
Something to think about.
Now clean your room.
It discusses what can happen when you have too much friendship and not enough of an authority figure in a parent-child relationship and asks if we should be careful that we're not too close to our children?
"Being close is good," she says. "You just have to make sure it's an appropriate closeness, one in which it is always clear that you are the (parent), you set the rules and the boundaries."
"Even when the best friends thing is successful, it is dangerous," Barash says. "We can have lots of friends but only one mother. And it is very important that the mother be able to guide and mentor and influence her daughter.
"If you value the friendship over the parental role and responsibilities, you end up with a child who has no safe haven." And who, she says, may find herself competing with her own mother.
Something to think about.
Now clean your room.
An interesting post. I have a 10 year old son and a daughter who's 14. She's become a classic teenager, always in her room, not talking to us etc.
ReplyDeleteThe young bloke and I are very close. Talking in the car after I picked him up from school today I said to him that I didn't want him to become too much like his sister as I'd have no-one to go to the football with.
He was puzzled by this remark. Couldn't you just go with a friend he said. Yes I probably could, I replied, but not all the time. He shrugged and started talking about something else.
Doesn't bother him at this stage, but I was quite serious. I'd hate to lose the boys together thing we have together.